When the brain responds to a perceived threat and proceeds to flood the body with the hormones and neurotransmitters that could give us a chance at preserving life if it were in danger, we tend to lose contact with our most sophisticated cognitive and social functions. How extreme these reactions are varies hugely according to previous experiences of trauma, shame, the messages we received as we grew up, our neurotype, personality or other variables, such as whether we’ve had enough sleep and food or are going through a stressful experience. But in any case, getting the best from our communication and performance involves a degree of courage, willingness to genuinely connect with others and ability to regulate our autonomic nervous system and emotions. That’s not to say that we should aspire to be in a state of permanent, zen-like calm, or to downplay our emotions and responses in a mandatory display of stoicism – quite the opposite! Suppressing and repressing our feelings will usually only take us so far before they catch up with us and either find an alternative route out into the world or stay buried and do damage to our health. But slowing down enough to notice our responses (something that didn’t come naturally to me and requires a lot of practice) equips us with choices about how we might be able to regulate and respond.
