The fizzy bottle: how safe does it feel to lift the lid on ‘fizzy’ emotions and sticky subjects?
Have you ever experienced a build up of stress and difficult emotions that left you feeling like a shaken fizzy drink bottle, with only a tiny lid preventing the sticky contents from exploding all over the place? This is an image that’s been used in therapeutic settings and beyond for many years, but I’ve been thinking about it again recently, with so many things in the current climate causing our metaphorical bottles to be shaken up over and over again.
I’ve spent a long time supporting people to regulate their nervous systems, tackle overwhelming challenges and communicate with courage. While many of the themes that come up, tools that help, and trauma-informed principles in this work have stayed fairly consistent, the context has changed, and I notice that in the last few years, individual clients and teams I’ve worked with have needed an even gentler approach to lifting the lid on whatever is getting between them and their goals. It seems like there is a little more ‘fizz’ present for many people, and sometimes, an instinct to screw the lid on tighter, since the unknown of what might happen if it comes off is too much to risk. With more complex challenges at play, there may be a tendency to bottle up any emotions, unsayable words, or conflicts brewing under the surface, and attempt to keep calm and carry on. The risk in this approach is a build up of stress that can lead to explosive conflicts, burnout, health problems and more. I’m interested in how we can take the same approach we would use with a shaken up fizzy bottle – unscrewing the lid slowly, carefully, and a little at a time. This is part of a trauma-informed approach to addressing overwhelming challenges – slowing down and taking time to build safety and trust can reduce the risk of retraumatising and harming helping relationships.
We might think about this in relation to therapeutic or supportive relationships, but it’s also relevant in workplaces and communities where there is ‘fizz’ building up while the priority is staying afloat during an economic crisis. When things are tough, it may seem inevitable that teams have to work harder, take less time for reflection, and deal with the stress of either making or being on the receiving end of difficult decisions. There may be strain on working relationships, brewing disquiet around working conditions, and anxiety about job security. There may be issues relating to inclusion, belonging or equity that people are unsure about raising during difficult times. Leaders may be working extra hard to try to protect their teams from as much of the impact of economic conditions as possible, and feeling resentful that their efforts are not recognised by the people they’re trying to support. These developing challenges may be close to the surface, with leaders conscious and anxious about lifting the lid; or it may be buried deeper, which in itself may be a sign of communication breakdown. I don’t want to be alarmist here – it’s entirely possible to make it through stormy waters without experiencing any of this, though it’s likely that there will be compromises, sacrifices, and risks involved in maintaining wellbeing, support and communication during hard times. The first step in preventing the organisational bottle from being shaken too hard is curiosity and willingness to examine it. Sometimes, this might be the most daunting step to take. Asking whether this is the right time, whether it’s worth the risk, and whether it’s necessary to ‘go looking for trouble’ feels reasonable, though we might find that we’re using our answers to these questions as a way to stay in the relative comfort of the familiar. The instinct to set aside complex issues that may take capacity away from the vital work involved in keeping services running is understandable. And on top of this, there’s the element of risk involved in taking the lid off, discovering just how fizzy things are inside, and having to clean up any resulting mess. If things aren’t at crisis point, is it really worth disturbing the peace? I’d argue that it’s often necessary, particularly when we know things are bubbling away under the surface, or if we’re not confident in our hopes and assumptions that everyone is ‘fine’ unless otherwise stated. Like the metaphorical fizzy bottle, there’s only so much pressure that can build up before something has to give, and that might show up in the form of conflict, relationship breakdown, illness, mass exodus, or other forms of crisis and challenge.
When we’re in survival mode, too busy to stop and catch up with ourselves and powered by adrenaline, we’re less able to consider and process nuance and complexity, to connect with others, and to consider problems from multiple perspectives. These are skills and approaches that are necessary and can be transformative when we’re responding to complex problems. When we’re fire fighting, we might feel as if we’re limited to choosing between taking the lid off in one go and facing the consequences, or continuing to move at pace and hoping that the building pressure dissipates by itself. Slowing down in order to tackle an increasingly challenging situation may sound paradoxical, but it’s likely to lead to better results. Pausing long enough to re-engage our most sophisticated brain functions, and letting out the fizz a little at a time is a strategy that aims to prevent overwhelm and exploding metaphorical bottles. So, how might that look in practice?
Setting boundaries and limits
It can feel overwhelming to create space for open, honest conversation and problem solving when there are a lot of complex issues to tackle, especially when some of them relate to external circumstances that we can’t change. Preventing things from spiraling into overwhelm requires boundaries. Agree what will be covered here, set a time limit and stick to it, and be clear on pathways for tackling issues that need to be deferred or revisited. It’s usually better to tackle challenging topics in smaller chunks, rather than seeking to get everything out in the open in one go. It can be helpful to schedule in ‘buffer zone’ time before and after a conversation that’s likely to bring some fizz to the surface, as well as beginning and ending with something that helps people to feel grounded and to remember that everyone in the space is a fellow human with an emotional world outside of their role in the space.
Choice and control
People generally need to know that they have power and choice in order to tackle emotionally charged territory successfully. There may be real limitations to the choices that they have in a given situation – in fact, that may be part of the reason for the increasing fizz in the first place. But explicitly stating the choices that are available can help to decompress and de-escalate. This might involve permission to take breaks where necessary, to participate in a way that feels possible for them, or to contribute to setting the agenda, the group contract, or the setting for a potentially intense conversation.
Deep listening
Where there might be a risk of conflict or distress, it’s important to listen to understand, rather than listening to respond. This is especially true for those with positions of authority in a team or group situation. It sounds simple, but takes practice and conscious effort to listen to someone who may be challenging, disagreeing, or expressing discomfort, without mentally preparing a response while they speak. Building a practice of approaching difficult conversations with curiosity can be powerful as a way to begin to relieve pressure in challenging situations.
External support
It can be helpful to explore fizzy territory with someone who isn’t directly involved in the situation. This might take the form of peer or leadership support with a colleague who has enough distance from the situation, exploring thoughts, feelings and ideas with a coach or mentor, or calling in some external facilitation to hold space for group conversations in a way that’s specifically designed to move at a manageable pace and provide a balance of maintaining boundaries and adapting to the needs in the room.
The bottom line for me is that the best, and often safest approach when pressure is building is to notice, acknowledge, and let the fizz out a little at a time. There may be discomfort, challenge, and things we didn’t want to discover along the way. But the fall out from the controlled demolition of a fragile status quo is likely to be less messy, and offer more learning opportunities than the explosion that might happen if we choose to keep shaking the bottle and hoping for the best.